You know how sometimes you feel a little bit off? You were on a roll, feeling great. Then you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and don’t know how to shake it. Things that you were passionate about seem uninteresting. I am feeling that way to some extent as of late, and thus my writing & blog have suffered, in my opinion. Sunday rolls around and I cannot muster the effort to write new posts like I loved doing every week for the previous two months. Yes I am busy trying to pack in as much adventure and family time into each day, and be in the moment. But it feels like more than that has been to blame. So off and on I have been thinking about all of it in short spurts. Wondering what triggered this feeling and how to remedy it. Maybe I am extra premenstrual this month, but I can’t write another travel post before first getting all this out of my brain.
Starting a blog seems oddly like motherhood in some respects. Not that I know about motherhood firsthand, but just go with me on this one for a few minutes. Before this little blog went live, I thought about it for a good portion of each week. What do I want to call it? What do I want it to be about? What do I want it to look like? Is it going to be great or boring? The moments after the basic format was finished via WordPress and I published my first official post, I thought about it non-stop. Every little thing that crossed my mind was then followed by “how can I incorporate that into my blog,” or “I should write a post about that.” I wanted to care for it and nurture it every way possible in order for it to be my sweet little blog.
After one month post-employment, followed by two months on the road, I hit a small hump and started wondering why my passion has been muted lately. I find myself wondering if anyone even reads what I am writing? Do they enjoy it? Am I too wordy? Are the photos adding to the story? The original reason for starting this platform was so I can document this incredible opportunity, and so family and close friends can follow along with us. Plus it was one of those things that I always wanted to do for myself since I love to write. So why was I focused on what everyone else was thinking and doing or not doing, as it related to my blog? Because I care about it quite a bit and want it to be something that gives me satisfaction, and I want it to be filled with content people enjoy reading.
Leaving behind your life as you know it to embark on something new and adventurous is a gift. It is not easy, and there is a reason why everyone does not do it at some point in their life. There are things that are challenging to navigate while in the thick of it: like not feeling settled because you are jumping around from place to place so much; like not having much time to myself to just reflect and recharge; like the pressure I put on myself to make everyone around me happy and ensure my decisions are what they want me to do and not just what I truly want to do ((ugh I am such a pleaser, through and through)). Then there’s the communication thing. This type of life brings effective communication to a whole new level of necessity. Clear communication between Andrew and I as well as communication to whomever is hosting us is vital to a happy day/week/visit. Otherwise I usually end up feeling like poo, and that is not a fun way to spend temporary retirement.
Seven years is how long I have been mostly on my own, away from the majority of family and friends. Six and a half years of that time is how long Andrew has been in the equation. We are such a match, and so good together. Each of us genuinely likes the other, and likes spending time together. Andrew has the stronger personality and I am laid back and just go with the flow…yin and yang. But when friends started moving away, and we stopped going out, hanging out with people, trying to meet new friends; I am afraid our new life made it more difficult to get back into a social environment. We are very much used to and very comfortable doing everything by ourselves, just the two of us. Throw some family & friends into the mix, and it creates a dynamic that we haven’t encountered in any length of time for a while. Then there’s me who is trying to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy, except myself, and that sure is a definite recipe for failure.
With this adventure of travels and writing a blog, much like I imagine motherhood, you stumble, float around in this weird gray area for a bit, step back to evaluate, and make the conscious effort to try some small changes that should help get you back on track to your best self so you can care for your offspring ((the blog being the offspring, in my case. still with me??)). There is no blueprint or instruction manual to motherhood, writing a blog, or being a nomad couple for almost a year. You just write your own, and it becomes a part of the journey.
Things I know for sure…
I will find my way back to feeling passionate about writing, and exuberantly reach my two posts per week target.
I will succeed when I let the words flow freely, instead of filtering my thoughts and trying to write sentences and paragraphs that I think people want to read.
I will take a little more time for me, even if it is just to get a bargain $8 manicure this morning ((NYC is expensive in so many ways, but this is not one of them, thankfully!)).
I will focus on putting my needs first, being a more effective communicator, and sticking to my decisions.