this part sucks


I started writing this post one evening recently when I was feeling particularly miserable and sad for myself. Since then, I’ve felt a little bit silly of it because things could be so much worse. Everyone has their struggles and this current situation of mine isn’t really something many people are going to sympathize with. I’m coming off a period of ten months of not only unemployed by choice, but also spending precious time with family and adventuring around the US and parts of Western Europe with my darling husband. Then I talked myself into publishing it because 1) I’m still a human being with a few real feelings, and 2) this blog is my public journal chronicling the adventures, including the not-so-hot moments.

I am not going to sugar coat it. This part is difficult. The part where I am back in the US but still without a job or a place to call my own. I’m apart from Andrew, while he’s on the west coast pursuing what will hopefully become opportunities for employment; not sure when we will reunite. I’m feeling let down from the halting of almost a full year of adventures, and in some capacity I’m not ready for it to end. I’ve spent more money than I feel comfortable with, and therefore I am not really participating in much other than working on my suntan, reading books ((serious shout out to public libraries everywhere)), applying for jobs and desperately hoping I will be contacted for interviews, trying to avoid writing super depressing blog posts ((and failing)), and feeling overwhelmed by pangs of FOMO ((that’s what the kids are saying these days; stands for fear of missing out)) more than I’d care to quantify. There is nothing on the calendar to think about or plan and look forward to. Apart from the impending World Cup, that is, which I am very VERY excited about.

Even though I still want to hop on the next plane and visit yet another destination on my never-ending wish list, in some ways I am ready to settle down. I need to replenish my savings, so I am coming to terms that it is indeed time to get on with life as I used to know it.

I have been fortunate to stay with so many generous family members throughout the year, and I hope my complaining won’t take away from the appreciation, but I am ready to sleep in my own bed, prepare meals in my own kitchen, have space that is mostly mine with all own my crap cluttering the surfaces.

Before Andrew and I departed Seattle, I was so ready to bid farewell to the Emerald City. I called it the seven-year itch. I was missing both families and moreover just ready to experience new cities to see where I may want to live when our travels were coming to an end. Plus I thought I had seen all I needed to see of Seattle in my seven years spent there.

Well guess what? I have been missing the West Coast a lot over the past few months. I couldn’t quite pinpoint if it was because it was the most recent familiar place that was home for me, or if I genuinely missed physically being there. Maybe it is a little bit of both. Thinking about the brutal New England winters and sweating through hot & humid summers in the southern tier do not have the greatest appeal to me. Especially the hot part due to my general disgust for people wearing shorts, myself included, which is why I own exactly one pair and try not to be seen in public wearing them.

In my humble yet expert opinion, the food, scenery, progressiveness are all better on the west, and a long weekend could mean a jaunt to Crater Lake, Arizona, San Francisco, Vegas, British Columbia, Pacific Beach, or any place that can satisfy my In-N-Out cravings. I can’t help but think the West Coast still suits us the best. Maybe I really am a PNW girl after all?

I have also come to the realization that like so many others, I will always be torn between where I live and where I wish I was. If I continue to live on the West Coast, I will miss being around for East Coast birthdays, other life events and everyday activities. If I live on the East Coast, there is a good chance I’ll be longing for the West Coast. Not to mention missing out on most happenings with family in the UK no matter where we are in the US. Until, of course, someone offers me free use of their private jet. Anyone??!!

Right now, our focus is currently on targeting some places in the Northwest, but since we are both at the mercy of employment and receiving a paycheck again, job offer(s) will determine ultimately where we settle. So all this could change if nothing happens within the coming weeks, and I am not naΓ―ve to that because, well, what ends up happening is usually the opposite of what I say is happening. But for right now, I am hoping I will be called to once again pack my bags; this time for a flight to the left coast. And in the not so distant future, I will appreciate these rough times, for they make the joyful peaks that much more gratifying.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Donna Milsten says:

    Mary, you can be happy whenever and wherever you set your mind to be. Easy for me to say “relax, breathe, what is meant to be will be”. I only hope that you’re looking for a career that you will love, not one that makes it hard to get up in the morning and face the day. This is one of my many mistakes. I used to love building things, but it got old and times changed. Life is too short, time is precious and we should do what we love.

    We’re headed to NY to visit for the weekend. The boys are joining us. You’re welcome too and there are beds available!

    1. Mary says:

      worthy advice to remember often!

  2. Kate says:

    No matter where you are we are still behind you 110%! And there are those Dave tickets still in possession…… just don’t rub it in after the fabulous weekend! πŸ™‚ It would just be our turn to pray for cheap flights so we can get our butts out there to see your neck of the woods! There is always a plus side. Just don’t forget to find which side it’s on since sometimes it may be the side harder to see.

    1. Mary says:

      Thanks, sister! xox

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