I’ve been to a lot of different shows in a lot of different places lately. And what I’ve been seeing has been making me sick. It seems to me that the most basic rules of attending concerts are being broken at nearly every event, and it makes me weep for the future. There used to be an unwritten code that existed amongst concert goers that has deteriorated to the point where I actually need to write it down. That irony is not lost on me, but these are serious times. I’d like to present a few case studies from my recent experience that illustrate my points. Rather than move chronologically, I’ll start with the most egregious and move my way down the list.
PEARL JAM – August 31, 2023 – Xcel Energy Center – St. Paul, MN
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few years, it’s that Pearl Jam fans travel well. The reason I know this is two-fold: for one, I’ve travelled to see them in a few different places over the years. Wrigley Field in 2016, Fenway Park in 2018, St. Louis in 2022. The second reason I know is because every one of them decides to wear a Pearl Jam shirt around town before the show, turning the entire city into a convention for the band. That’s all well and good, because it allows people an opportunity to meet and talk about their passion for the band. What’s not alright is what occurred to me and my friends prior to the band’s show, which kicked off their 2023 U.S. Tour in August.
After waiting hours in a merch line, as is tradition for any PJ show I’m attending, my friends and I ducked into a local hockey bar to eat and actually do something after hours of standing. Everything was going great – we had secured our merch, we were having a couple of Michelob Goldens – the world was our oyster. All we had to do was bide our time prior to the concert and have the time of our lives.
As I’m sitting there trying to enjoy this Minnesota bar’s excuse for fried shrimp, I suddenly hear a very familiar sound. It’s that moment when the normal ambiance of the bar shifts when the jukebox is about to start playing. What came next caused me to audibly sigh.
The opening chords of “Alive.” I thought to myself, okay, maybe someone’s really excited and wanted to hear one song ahead of the concert. What followed was a string of Pearl Jam songs. Popular Pearl Jam songs. Songs that have been played on alternative rock radio so much that you forget how good they are because you’re so sick of them. It was as if someone threw a $20 in the jukebox and just played their greatest hits front to back.
Alarmed, my friends and I looked around the bar to determine who was to blame for this mortal concert sin. This mystery won’t be featured on Perry Mason – the culprits weren’t very difficult to find as they were dressed in their full Pearl Jam uniforms. Three guys playing darts were decked out in PJ t-shirts and hats and clearly having a ball listening to “Jeremy.”
We actually spoke to them at one point and found out they were from Canada, but that’s no excuse. They were guilty of breaking two of the most important rules there are: you don’t listen to the band you’re about to see and you don’t wear the t-shirt of the band you’re seeing to the show. It’s the two most basic rules there are. These nerds couldn’t wait five hours to hear Eddie Vedder sing “Daughter” and nearly ruined our pre-show experience. When the show’s over, feel free to go bananas and play their entire discography front to back. Just don’t do it the day of the show.
As for the t-shirts, Pearl Jam is a band that produces a specific one for each show they play, and they’re usually pretty cool. I may even own a few. What ends up happening, however, is that it becomes a competition amongst the fans of who can wear the most obscure shirt to the show. I’m sorry, man, but I don’t really care about your Pearl Jam Italia shirt from 2003. Wear it to a Foo Fighters show.
It can get worse, though. The absolute worst move you can make at a concert is buying the concert or tour t-shirt and then throwing it on for the actual show. Instead of pretending to be cool like I do when I buy one and wear it to another show, you’re actually letting everyone know that you stood on line specifically to buy that shirt for the show you are attending. Please don’t do this. Have some pride.
What have we learned?
1. Don’t play music from the band you’re going to see before the show.
2. Don’t wear the t-shirt of the band you’re going to see to the show.
- COROLLARY: Don’t buy the band t-shirt from the current tour or specific show and put it on for the actual concert.
METALLICA – August 4 & 6, 2023 – MetLife Stadium – East Rutherford, NJ
I’ve written extensively in the past about my experiences trying to acquire concert merchandise – particularly when trying to buy concert posters for face value at the show I attend. I have a hard and fast personal rule that I can only collect from shows I’ve actually been to for two reasons. The first is to bring some integrity to a very arbitrary hobby, and the second is so I don’t completely bankrupt myself and cover my walls with poster art, two things that I’m dangerously close to anyway.
Being a veteran of the poster game, I’d seen my fair share of poor concert etiquette - the woman carrying a stack of ten Tool posters at the Prudential Center in 2022 being the most profound example. She likely sold each for far above face value that night on eBay. I’d also had my heart broken watching the last poster sell out in front of me at Billy Strings at Nassau Coliseum later that year, only to buy from a known flipper later on Facebook. But what I saw at Metallica these two nights in August might take the cake as the worst flipping behavior I’ve seen at a show – and it doesn’t involve the show poster.
The poster experience was difficult enough. Each show featured 550 prints for a football stadium’s worth of people, which meant scoring one from the stand was virtually impossible. In fact, they were selling on eBay while I was still in the parking lot. So I bought both for approximately 4 times their retail value. I’m not sure how these people were able to acquire them and flip them so quickly, and despite benefitting from their work, I still can’t condone this practice. Unfortunately, the reason it exists is because of people like me who will buy them. Yes, I am an enabler and a hypocrite, but posters are really cool.
While the poster flipping was to be expected, what I saw later in the evening was not. Metallica put on a great show both nights. I was fortunate to be on the field for it, about 20 feet from the band, losing my mind as they ripped through songs new and old. Towards the end of the set each night, giant black and yellow beach balls dropped from the sky during one song. On the first night, that song was “Seek and Destroy,” as seen below.
What a fun touch to put on an awesome night. You’re basically standing there, trying not to bump into anyone else while hitting these giant beach balls, while also trying not to get knocked over by the sheer size of them. Surely, everyone in the crowd felt the same as me and no one was going to try and sully this experience by trying to profit from it.
Wrong. As the song concluded, I saw three grown men trying to deflate one of these giant beach balls with the intention of smuggling it out of the stadium. I’m not one to do this, but I wish I had videoed the whole operation just to highlight how ridiculous it was to witness. I can almost understand it if you’re planning on saving it as a souvenir, I guess? But for most it seems like that was not the case...
You’ve got to be kidding me. Who is buying this beach ball for $300? Especially when they still have shows left on this tour and you can get one for free once they play “Whiskey in the Jar”?
What have we learned?
3. Don’t buy merchandise just to resell it for a higher price.
- COROLLARY: Don’t smuggle giant beach balls to resell on eBay??
The beach ball debacle was one of the highlights from this show, but unfortunately, it wasn’t the only one. One of the draws for the show was that a reunited version of Pantera was opening on the first night, with Zakk Wylde and Charlie Benante standing in for the late Abbott brothers, Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul. I’d never seen Pantera in their heyday, so I enthusiastically followed one of my friends towards the front of the stage. Eventually, he made it much further than me, and I waited back and observed their skull crushing performance from more of a distance.
Predictably, a circle pit broke out about midway through their set. I had been cautiously keeping tabs on my positioning to make sure I was on the outside, but naturally people kept running into me so I’d send them off on their way back into the mosh. I’d starting casually making comments to a couple of people next to me about Pantera, and how it was nice to see an old school mosh pit, even if the participants were graying.
Unpredictably, my new found friend decided to throw an unsuspecting me into the middle of the pit. I went from enjoying the sounds of “Mouth for War” to fighting for my life in my Rainbow sandals within seconds. Now, admittedly, I had an absolute blast and made it out relatively unscathed (the kid’s still got it!), but that was because everyone followed the rules of the pit. Except, you know, throwing an unwilling participant into the fray, but thank you to whoever you are because that ruled.
What have we learned?
4. If you’re going into the pit, follow the code.
- If someone falls down, pick them up.
- Don’t try to hurt anyone.
- No inappropriate touching.
- Protect people who aren’t participating/don’t want to participate.
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE – August 14, 2023 – The Anthem – Washington, D.C.
As previously noted, I’m a huge fan of most things Josh Homme has touched in his career. Whether it be Kyuss, Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures, or another project, the guy rarely misses. He also very rarely tours. The last time there was a proper QOTSA tour was about six years ago, which I attended but was marred by Josh being very drunk during the performance. Still, the band is one of my favorites and I was excited to see them perform in the wake of their newest album, …In Times New Roman, which I think is excellent.
The easy way to accomplish this goal would have been to see them a half hour from my house at Forest Hills Stadium. Way too easy – plus I had a schedule conflict. Lo and behold, the band added a bonus date in Washington, D.C. for the Monday after, which happened to work with my schedule. I rationalized it by telling myself that I had never been to D.C., and the Queens may take another six years to tour.
So I drove myself to our nation’s capital, looked at all the famous landmarks I’d never seen, and settled in to my hotel room prior to the show. I narrowly avoided a tornado warning and massive thunderstorm, and once that cleared up I made my way down to The Anthem in the Waterfront district. I got there early for a poster and sat through the opening bands, slowly making my way towards the front of the venue towards the stage, as one does when in general admission.
I should mention that I’m by myself and have spoken nary a word to the people around me, so I’m doing a good amount of people watching to pass the time prior to the main act coming on stage. A few minutes prior to the expected start time, two girls roll into a vacated area close. As they do, I hear one girl say to the other, “If it’s too much for you, we can leave.” A cryptic quote, for sure. I figured they were anticipating the GA section to be too raucous for their liking.
Boy, was I wrong. Approximately two minutes later, the other girl projectile vomited on the area directly to my left. Her friend must have been referencing her feeling sick from whatever she had just consumed, presumably alcohol. They quickly left the area. A disappointing showing on a Monday night (!).
Thoroughly disgusted, the people in my area and I tried to warn anyone walking through the area that there was projectile vomit in the area and not to stomp on it, lest they taint their Buster Browns with it. We were mostly successful until a man in a cut-off jacket who was equally buckled stumbled through it. We tried to warn him, but he had no idea what we were trying to convey. In fact, he might have thought he was on Mars. There was probably going to be another layer of puke on his shoes by night’s end regardless, so maybe it didn’t matter in the long run.
Despite these obstacles, and Josh Homme battling sickness, the show was electric and I’m glad I made the 5 hour trip solo to catch a band I adore. It’s just a shame I had to watch it from the vomitorium.
What have we learned?
5. There’s no shame in going to a show alone if you really want to see the band.
6. Don’t get too drunk and ruin everyone else’s time.
FOO FIGHTERS – July 15, 2023 – Veterans Park – Milwaukee, WI
After the Foo Fighters cancelled their tour in 2022 in the wake of Taylor Hawkins’ death, I decided to make my way out to Wisconsin to see them this past summer with new drummer Josh Freese. They were playing as part of the Harley Davidson Homecoming event, which led thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts to town, making for a very interesting crowd for the weekend. I don’t particularly love going to festival type events. The crowds, the standing, and being a mile from the stage are not my preferred ways to take in a show. You also usually get the “greatest hits” setlist from the bands, too. Despite these potential obstacles, the Harley Homecoming was very well run and the acoustics were actually terrific.
The Foos did not disappoint either. Dave Grohl was in classic form. Josh Freese fit the band very well. I even didn’t mind Pat Smear, the Forrest Gump of Grunge, being there either. The band ripped through about 20 songs, including “Aurora” which they dedicated to Taylor Hawkins. Saving the best for last, they closed with “Everlong,” not only one of their best songs but one of the best songs ever written.
Sensing the moment, when I heard Dave intro the song, I reached into my pocket and took out my phone to get a little video of the song. I figured it was a cool moment I’d like to share with my friends, so why not? My service was spotty due to 20,000 people doing the same exact thing as me, so I hadn’t really been receiving messages throughout the course of the show except when I’d been videoing. Lo and behold, a text came through during “Everlong” letting me know that my flight home the next day had been cancelled. In what should have been an awesome moment, I now had to deal with that crushing blow, and it completely took me out of the song and entire event.
Now, I’m just as bad as anyone with taking videos at concerts that I’ll never watch again. I’m very guilty of that. I’ve definitely gotten better with it, but the only way to truly stop me from doing it is to ban phones at shows completely, which Jack White has done on his last two tours. I will say that it definitely enhances the experience – everyone is more in tune with the musicians and it gives it an old school feel.
I ended up staying in Milwaukee an extra two days basically living on my friend’s couch. I pretended to work at a brewery one night and got to see three country songwriters, including the guy who wrote “Springsteen” by Eric Church, so it wasn’t all bad. I guess the moral of the story is don’t watch the entire show through your phone because it just might ruin “Everlong” for you forever.
What have we learned?
7. Don’t watch the whole show through your phone.
- COROLLARY: Don’t cancel my flight home during “Everlong.”
311 – October 1, 2022 – Terminal 5 – New York, NY
I have a confession to make. I’ve seen 311 perform more than any other band. I think the total count is at 13 times. In my eyes, they’re a fun band that used to mix up their setlist every night and used to be worth seeing every summer. I happen to think they’re incredibly talented musicians, but their lyrics can tend to be on the cheesy side. Their main lyrical content for their rap/rock sound revolves about being upbeat - “stay positive and love your life.” In many circles, it can be construed as being very lame. Despite this, I do think the put on an entertaining and energetic show, so I usually go see them when they’re in town.
During this particular show, the band was going to play their debut album, Music, in its entirety. I had met up with a couple of friends prior to the show and headed in for a predictable but surely enjoyable show. Or so I thought.
As 311 was set to take the stage, I was positioned to stage left right where the band members would walk out. I decided, you know what, I’d like to be in a better position to view this show. So I started to make my way towards the center of the crowd. A friend of mine was center stage and I wanted to make my way towards him and his yellow hat (a beacon in the night). I had little trouble navigating the crowd – until I ran into two of the worst people I’ve ever encountered at a concert.
Everyone at a show is usually forgiving if you want to make your way through to get to a better position. Some are more accommodating than others, but generally they let you through. I’ve let plenty of people through, even if it makes me a bit more uncomfortable, especially in a general admission type situation. I’ve certainly never told anybody no, and I’ve definitely never told anyone “You don’t belong here” – which is exactly what this dude and his girlfriend told me.
“Turn around and go back – you don’t belong here.” These are 311 fans – the band that sings about staying positive, loving your life, treating everyone nicely. I guess these two missed the message. I was so stunned at what I had heard that I actually said “Pardon me?” to the guy. To which he responded by repeating himself flatly. I had no choice but to say “I’m going back, relax” and retreat to my previous position because I wasn’t about to get into a fight at a 311 show. If you want to be the biggest Nick Hexum jocksniffer, the title’s all yours buddy.
The entire episode really turned me off from the band and the fanbase. I’d never had anything like that happen at any other 311 show I’d been to – the worst thing that would happen at those concerts would be someone offering you weed in the pit. But this guy and his girlfriend basically giving me the “you can’t sit with us” treatment at 311 is one of the more pathetic things I’ve seen.
What have we learned?
8. Don’t gatekeep your favorite band – you’re not better than anyone.
- COROLLARY: Especially if it’s a corny band like 311.
9. Let people through when they’re trying to get somewhere, even if they’re a little too ambitious.
THE OFFSPRING – September 2, 2023 – Jones Beach Amphitheater – Wantagh, NY
I’ve seen The Offspring a handful of times. They usually end up opening or touring with a band that I want to see. They have countless hits that have been played ad nauseum on alternative rock radio, so much so that you forget how many there are. They are funny, and always put on an entertaining show.
For this particular show, the draw for me was Sum 41 as one of the openers. I’d never seen them perform and they announced recently that they would be disbanding after the current tour. As such, I got there early in anticipation of their set as well. As I walked into the show, the ushers handed everyone a clear plastic wristband. Curious, I asked them what it was, and they said that it would light up during The Offspring’s set. It sounded like a cool idea, I thought to myself. Good for the band trying to enhance their show a little bit.
True to their word, the wristbands did light up different colors during when The Offspring were playing. It created a cool effect throughout the crowd, which you can see a little bit of in the above video. However, the band didn’t realize what handing these out to a drunk Long Island crowd on Labor Day weekend would do.
Midway through the set, I guess many patrons grew tired of having the wristband on their persons and decided to start throwing them down from the top rows onto the unsuspecting concert goers below them. I narrowly avoided some near misses for the last half hour of the show. It should go without saying, but this type of behavior is unacceptable at any type of event, but especially at a concert. No one’s looking to catch a plastic projectile thrown from a considerable height with their dome. Be better, Long Island concert goers. But also, maybe don’t hand out things people can throw, The Offspring.
What have we learned?
10. Don’t throw things, especially from the upper deck.
TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND – September 29, 2023 – Madison Square Garden – New York, NY
I wasn’t familiar with Tedeschi Trucks Band prior to seeing them. I knew Derek Trucks had some connection to the Allman Brothers though, so when my friend offered me a ticket to go see them, I hopped on it in hopes of maybe seeing them cover “Blue Sky.” This show was part of their Garden Party series which featured special guests. For this concert, the guest were Trey Anastasio of Phish and Norah Jones. I’d just seen Trey play in Indianapolis a couple of weeks earlier after Pearl Jam unceremoniously cancelled the show I’d flown to a small midwestern city to see and it wasn’t bad. I’m not huge on any of these artists, but I figured why not give it a shot?
For being a bit outside of my normal repertoire, the show was very enjoyable. I didn’t know many of the songs, but they mixed in a Tom Petty and Rolling Stones cover, which was enough to keep me entertained. Mix in some extended shredding and I was completely content. As the show progressed, I noticed that Trey hadn’t come out yet and it was getting pretty late. I needed to catch a certain train to get back home from the city. I decided I’d had a good enough time and maybe I should just call it a night and get home early. I left the show before the encore.
When I got home, I decided to look up the set to see what I had missed. And I was devastated. Apparently, when Trey came out to join the band, they covered “The Seeker” by The Who, which is an all-time favorite song of mine. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they proceeded to play “Bell Bottom Blues” by Derek and the Dominos, and another little song by that same band you may have heard. It’s called “Layla.” You know, one of the greatest classic rock songs ever written. And I missed it because I wanted to get home to my couch. Since every concert is basically on YouTube now (see rule #7), I did get to see it, but it’s obviously not the same as witnessing it live.
Shame.
What have we learned?
11. Don’t leave the show early unless you absolutely have to go.
- COROLLARY: The show is over once the house lights come on. They’re not coming back for one more. Stop yelling.
I never thought I’d have to sit here and write this down for people, but the experiences I’ve had over the last year have really forced my hand here. Please try to abide by these rules in the interest of everyone’s good time. Concerts are supposed to be a fun, unifying experience. And that’s not to say that all of these shows weren’t incredible. They just could have been a lot better if everyone cleaned up their acts a bit. Follow these guidelines for your benefit and the overall improvement of the concert experience for everyone.
Lastly, unless its the remnants of Skynyrd, the band isn’t playing “Free Bird.” You can stop asking them.
